since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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