oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
