I'm drive I can fine osifer
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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