Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
