Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
