what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
