That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
