chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
