The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just googled if crying burns calories
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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