we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
