That's intense
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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