butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
