Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
