Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
