she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
