you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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