you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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