I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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