woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
