her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
