can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
