im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
cat food counts as protein by the way
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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