i think my mom watched the whole time
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Randomize
