I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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