I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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