Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
