Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
