i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
