i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
