The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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