I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
