We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
