Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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