No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
