Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
