how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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