maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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