If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
