he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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