I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
