He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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