I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
