and she was petting her beer can
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
