mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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