Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Randomize
