Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
ugly people sure do ruin things
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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