I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
