It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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