i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
