We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
