Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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