There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
