just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
