The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
