he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
