Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Randomize
