the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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